


Cursed Fanfic That Calls You A Normie And Eats All Your Naan Bread

by StalinDidNothingWrong



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Big Gay Love Story, Bottom Jack Sparrow, Confusing, Jack being Jack, M/M, Sad, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 18:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15176984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StalinDidNothingWrong/pseuds/StalinDidNothingWrong
Summary: I don't know what the fuck is gonna happen i'm improvising with every second of writing don't even try to read it unless you got something for the headache you get afterwardsLe Funne Sparbossa maymay for me and the lads to read on Skype





	Cursed Fanfic That Calls You A Normie And Eats All Your Naan Bread

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry

"Come on yer absolute knave, we arrrr under attack!!" Barbossa yelled at Jack as he started to come to. He definitely wasn't joking, part of the sail of the Black Pearl was missing and as he got dragged up to his feet a bullet barely missed the two of them. "Ye got knocked out by that nasty fella ova there ye see? We gotta stop the greasy lad, now!" He barely managed to stop Barbossa from running off towards the enemy. "Wait, wait, my dear lad, my no homo bro, who is this pirate we are fighting? Is it Blackbeard again? I thought we got him!" Hector looked troubled. "Nay, this be a new pirate, never seen em before. Ugly and greasy, this one. Come on, lad! We need ye in the fight!" 

Jack Sparrow clumsily drew his sword as he tried to straighten himself up again. Haha, that would never happen since he was such a homo, haha funny gay joke!! The captain who had attacked them was in the middle of the worst battle, so he could barely see anything of him. "Damn Hector and his 'navigation skills!' I knew we would get into trouble!" he muttered to himself. They were on a mission to get rid of that stimky Davy Jones, or at least THEY WERE before this chaos broke out. As he graciously fought his way up to the steering wheel he managed to get another short glimpse of the lad who had attacked them. He was greasy indeed, with dark hair and bright eyes. To his horror, a green flash went off and stunned everyone nearby. Jack scanned the ship after Barbossa, but he was nowhere to be found. He prepared his most captainly voice he could muster. "HEY, BASTARD! GREASY MAN!" The mysterious figure turned around to face him, green fire lighting up his face. To Jack's surprise he didn't look very old, but the most striking thing was that he had completely green eyes. Uh oh, he didn't look very glad about being called greasy. "OKAY, LET'S NOT GET TOO VIOLENT HERE, LAD! I JUST WANT TO TALK-" Before he got the chance to finish talking the young man started charging at him. Jack found himself in quite an intense battle, with him barely blocking strikes and avoiding what almost seemed like magic tricks. Not even after Jack Sparrowing it up and climbing up and down ropes and balancing on the railings did it seem like he was winning. With a swift move his saber was knocked out of his hand, and he fell back from the pure autistic strength. "H-hold on a bit, I bet we can solve this peacefully!" he tried to reason with the greasy strange wizard man, but he just raised his saber, preparing to end it. Jack raised his arm and closed his eyes. Was this the end? "Stop right there, ye absolute madman." He suddenly heard. As he looked up again, he saw Barbossa with his gun pointed at the lad. It kinda made his peepee hard to see such an absolute Chad like Hector. After a few seconds he surrendered, muttering bitterly about mercy. The other fights ceased as the crew noticed their captain had been captured. Jack wiped his brow as he stood up again. "Thank you Hector,   
you saved my life again bro. No homo tho." He said no homo back, and all was good. Except, who was this mysterious man? Why had he attacked them? What was that weird witchcraft he had seen? 

After everything had settled down and they had tied him up in the back of the ship Jack decided to go see who this man was. Barbossa followed him as usual, in a no homo way of course. "So...we got some questions for you, lad. I mean, you don't have a choice, but try to cooperate anyway. Hector here is quite scary hewewe :3." he said. Silence. He tried again and again, even threatening their prisoner, but to no avail. Jack Sparrow sighed in gay frustration. "Well, guess we'll have to return to the search for Davy Jones, then. Have a good nights sleep with the rats." As he stood up, however..."Where am I? What is this realm called?" "Ah, there we go! Was starting to think you were mute, but you fell for the cliché 'about to leave'. A dramatic one, we got here." He thought about the questions the lad just asked. Was he drunk, or dumb, or both? "This so called 'realm' is called Earth, and right now you are in the Caribbean Sea. Were you dropped as a child, lad?" The green angry eyes stared back at him. "Well, excuse my lack of knowledge of an alien planet. You see, I am not from this 'Earth' you mention." He spoke in a very highborn manner, Jack noted, like that Norrington guy. "I am Loki of Asgård, rightful heir of Jötunheim and god of Mischief. Now, may I be released? I got things to do." This time Barbossa stepped in, laughing at the absurd information they had gotten. "Loki, ye mean as that old Norse god? And ye expect us to release ye like ye be speaking truth?" Jack stopped him by lifting his hand up. This story had caught his interest, bizarre as it may seemed. "Now, now, we've dealt with myths before, haven't we? And this supposed Loki seemed to have some sort of weird power. Whoever he is, it aint your normal pirate. Got any other proof, lad?" Loki sighed and rolled his eyes. "Could you stop calling me 'lad'? I am, in fact, the Norse god himself, but I can't prove much with my hands tied behind my back. I do have a necklace that could help, if you may?" He looked down at his chest towards a pentant in a chain around his neck. Jack leaned in to get a better look, but as soon as he was close enough Loki kicked him in the jaw, somehow got his hands free with a knife, and bolted towards the door. Barbossa stopped him by shooting right next to his head. Jack got himself up again and tried to shake away the ringing in his head. "The hell are you doing?! You can't shoot that thing inside of the ship! You'll get us to Davy Jones Locker faster than we want that way!" "The supposed Norse lad was tryna run, ye don't have time te get yer saber in that situation!" He said, shrugging it off. As they looked up towards Loki again he quickly hid a knife behind his back, clearly planning on tricking them again. "Where didcha get te knife, lad? We took yer weapons." Hector confronted him, and as a reply Loki held the knife up again, and...made it vanish? Jack Sparrow had seen quite some witchcraft, but this type seemed legit. "Are you really..." he started saying, but quickly shut his mouth again. If he was what he claimed they were in trouble.

"Now, gentlemen. We seem to the after the same person." He smiled, as his clothes warped into a weird armor like outfit. "I have a proposal to make."


End file.
